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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Hi, my name is Peter, and I don't like lots of foods that you probably love. Does that sound like such a bad thing? I don't think so, yet it seems that concept is enough to drive most people to question my sanity and/or intelligence.

Case in point: butter. Everyone loves this. I hate it. I hate the smell, I hate the taste, I hate it hot, cold, melted or frozen. I hate butter. This freaks people out. Honestly, people cannot conceive of a world where someone can't stand butter. In fact, as I was typing this post, a coworker of mine came over and said, "How can you not like butter?" It's a question I hear often. I don't have any idea why I like some things, and hate some other things.

Here's my message to all of you: don't treat me like an outcast just because I don't like the foods you do. I'm a man just like you (unless you're a woman). I don't deserve to be scolded every time I refuse to put butter on or near my food.

So here, for the first time in print, is the comprehensive list of foods I don't like:
  • Buttera
  • Cheeseb
  • Ranchc
  • Sour cream
  • All condimentsd
  • Basically every salad dressinge
  • Avocado (and therefore guacamole by association)
  • Certain vegetables (pickles, cucumber, beets, turnips, Brussels sprouts, bok choy, green peppers, and several others)
  • Tuna/chicken/pasta salad
  • Nutsf
  • Grits
  • Pimiento cheeseg
  • Coconut

OK, look. Just so you know, I eat lots of stuff with butter in it and I cook with butter, too. As long as I can't taste it, throw it in my meal. But if I so much as think about tasting it, deal's off.

EXCEPTIONS: Mozzarella, provolone, sometimes American. All other cheese is terrible.

FAST FACT: This is the one that makes people the angriest.

Except ketchup. I love ketchup. And don't spell it catsup. It's ketchup.

I can tolerate thousand island or certain vinaigrettes. But I don't really like them either.

Peanuts are OK. The rest suck.

I know I already talked about cheese, but that shit is so gross it deserves its own mention.

I'm not ashamed of any of my choices. And there are others I didn't list - those are just the ones that immediately came to mind. I'm not a terribly picky eater, but I likes what I likes. You're just going to have to deal with it, America.
posted by Peter @ 8:55 AM  
  • At November 7, 2007 at 2:59 PM, Blogger Kari said…

    Wow. Your tastes are probably one in a million. I sense some anger in this post. For the most part, you tend to hate things that most (normal) people think make their meals even better. I could add cheese and/or butter to almost anything and be pleased. I agree with you on grits and coconut, but that's about it. Good thing I don't base my friendships on food comparability!

  • At November 7, 2007 at 3:28 PM, Blogger Jenny said…

    My husband Eric feels the same way about most of the foods you listed. He HATES Ranch dressing, sour cream and mayonnaise most of all. But I am commenting because of my own troubles. I hate coffee. Hate. It. I hate the smell of it, the taste of it (oh, I've tried it at the persistence of others) and the way people look at me when I tell them I hate it. Back off, people.

    Ah, and did I mention that I love Ranch dressing, sour cream and mayonnaise? And also that Eric loves coffee? Opposites attract, people.

  • At November 7, 2007 at 3:53 PM, Blogger Will Askew said…

    I'm just looking forward to the Movies Peter Has/Has Not Seen post.

  • At November 7, 2007 at 5:17 PM, Blogger Peter said…

    kari - It's not so much anger in my post as frustration. But I feel better after putting the list out there for all to see. It's tough to be the only one at the table who won't eat the cheese dip, blue cheese, or the nachos that everyone ordered.

    jenny - You clearly married a good man. And it's obvious you get my frustration, so good for you. But hating coffee IS weird. :)

    will - Great idea. We need to do this soon.

  • At November 8, 2007 at 9:03 AM, Blogger Kari said…

    Coffee is delicious.

    I can't think of a single food that I hate that most people adore.

    Seriously I just say here for 10 minutes and the best I can come up with is marshmellows and Cool Whip. I don't care for either. But I'm not sure those are super popular foods in general.

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In August 2007, there was a tragic accident at a laboratory in Memphis, Tennessee. From the carnage emerged two enormous children with disproportionate strength and writing ability. This is their story.
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