Peter: I was watching football the other day, and a commercial for the new motion picture sensation Good Luck Chuck came on, and it brought up a thought: I don't care how hot Jessica Alba is, it's just not worth watching Dane Cook flail around like a coked up retard on the screen. So here's the question: which performer or performers will make you actively avoid a movie/TV show/whatever just because of their presence?
Will: Dane Cook is certainly a good starting point. He's like old Jim Carrey on speed, which is saying something.
Peter: But old Jim Carrey was funny. Dane Cook is not.
Will: True. It's the same style, but with way less talent. Peter: OK, how about this one: Carlos Mencia. First of all, his whole shtick is about him being Mexican - and he's not even actually Mexican! His real name is actually Ned Holness and he's half-Honduran and half-German. He is 100% jackoff, though.
Will: I completely agree with you. How "Mind of Mencia" keeps getting picked up is beyond me. Is there a more douchebag name than "Ned Holness"?
Peter: No. I hate that guy. He is actually worse than Dane Cook, and that is a remarkable feat.
Will: I'm also going to have to say that Paul Walker annoys the shit out of me for some reason. He's the very definition of someone who's on screen because they're attractive.
Peter: You're attracted to Paul Walker?
Will: Yes. He's hot. You know what I mean, asshole.
Peter: I really didn't remember much about that guy other than his brilliant performance in 2 Fast 2 Furious, but as I look over Paul Walker's IMDB page, he's got quite a resume of playing stupidly-named characters in bad movies. I think "Caleb Mandrake" in The Skulls is my personal favorite. That movie was terrible.
Will: I'm partial to his performance as "Joey Gazelle" in Running Scared, a forgotten classic.
Peter: Paul Walker sucks. He's on my list. Another guy whose movies I actively will avoid is Rob Schneider. Sweet jimmy does he suck. He is the very opposite of funny. He either plays a Hispanic idiot, a Cajun idiot, a sex-addicted idiot, or a cross-dressing idiot.
Will: He peaked when he played Tiny Elvis on SNL. He's made an entire career out of saying, "You can do eeettttt!!!!!"
Peter: He's like a modern-day Urkel.
Will: I avoid Tom Cruise.
Peter: Really? He's a weirdo, definitely, but he's not a bad actor.
Will: There's just this sawed-off arrogance about him that I don't like. I would have seen War of the Worlds if it had starred anyone else.
Peter: I can't agree with you there. Pint-size L. Ron Hubbard is a pretty good actor. Will: Lindsay Lohan. What a train wreck. She's awful. I can't watch anything she's in.
Peter: What is she in? Rehab? I can't remember the last Lohan movie I even thought about.
Will: That's my point. No one thinks about her movies, and yet somehow she's a huge star. I Know Who Killed Me made like 10 bucks but people still care about her.
Cobra: I hate Sigourney Weaver. And I cannot stand Shirley MacLaine.
Peter: Cobra? Great to see you! How did you get in here?
Will: For those that don't know, Cobra is our buddy from work. He just happened to overhear this conversation.
Cobra: That's all I wanted to add, really. Just hate those two.
Peter: Keep up the good work. What about Criss Angel? What is with this clown? Just looking at his tattoo-covered, piercing-infested, gothtastic body makes me want to kick him right in the balls.
Will: And who spells their name Criss? And he slept with Britney Spears, so that tells you something right there.
Peter: Plus, he choreographed Britney's little disaster on MTV last Sunday.
Will: We'll probably be talking about that later this week.
Peter: Let's close this out with a rapid fire round. Will: Chris Berman.
Peter: Carrot Top. Especially the new, jacked-up Carrot Top.
Will: Billy Zane.
Peter: Celine Dion.
Will: Freddie Prinze, Jr.
Peter: Dustin Diamond. Will: Matthew Lillard.
Peter: Ron Silver.
Will: Jim Belushi.
Peter: Skeet Ulrich.
Will: Jamie Kennedy.
Peter: Chris Kattan.
Will: Tommy Lee.
Peter: Shia Leboeuf.
Will: The Rock.
Peter: Kathy Griffin.
Will: Jared Leto.
Peter: Larry the Cable Guy.
Will: Nick Carter.
Peter: Gilbert Gottfried.
Will: Chris Klein.
Peter: Fran Drescher.
Will: I think that's a good ending point. I'm out of hate.
I wanted to list some people that I hate, but that rapid fire list pretty much covered everyone.
I have to disagree with Paul Walker, mainly because I love "The Skulls". Yes, it is a bad movie, but I love it. It reminds me of college days, freshman year in the dorm. Sentimental attachment I guess.
I can't stand Chris Berman and I thought I was the only one who loved sports and hated him. Peter Gammons tops my "People in Sports that I Hate" list though. Followed every so closely by Harold Reynolds and Joe Morgan.
I have a small place in my heart for Prinze, Jr., because I love "She's All That." I don't think it makes you less of a person to like bad movies, as long as you can admit that they are bad. Right?
I agree with everyone except Skeet Ulrich. He's awesome as Jake Green in Jericho and loved him in Miracles. He's done at least 3 things I love, so I can't hate him. Everyone else can burn though.
If I could have had one more, Steve-O would have been my next choice. He's famous because he's dumb enough to staple his sac to the wall. Congratulations, you waste of space.
In August 2007, there was a tragic accident at a laboratory in Memphis, Tennessee. From the carnage emerged two enormous children with disproportionate strength and writing ability. This is their story.
I wanted to list some people that I hate, but that rapid fire list pretty much covered everyone.
I have to disagree with Paul Walker, mainly because I love "The Skulls". Yes, it is a bad movie, but I love it. It reminds me of college days, freshman year in the dorm. Sentimental attachment I guess.
I can't stand Chris Berman and I thought I was the only one who loved sports and hated him. Peter Gammons tops my "People in Sports that I Hate" list though. Followed every so closely by Harold Reynolds and Joe Morgan.
I have a small place in my heart for Prinze, Jr., because I love "She's All That." I don't think it makes you less of a person to like bad movies, as long as you can admit that they are bad. Right?